National Farmers' Federation

NFF urges patience as Australia’s data drought causes North Pole meltdown

This Christmas the NFF is urging farmers, especially children who have been good all year, to be patient with Santa’s deliveries as the data drought impacts North Pole operations.
“Today the NFF received inside information from the North Pole that there had been a delay processing orders from regional Australia.” NFF President Fiona Simson said.
“The delay is largely attributable to the large number of handwritten letters received from our part of the world.”
“We understand the internal systems at the North Pole that process orders as well as ‘naughty or nice’ indicators from parents have this year transitioned to an online format.”
The leaked document, from a key North Pole insider, states that the decision to move to digital processing was made so that the Santa’s North Pole Operations “could be as efficient as possible given the extent of digital connectivity worldwide the increase in global population and therefore children.”
“It seems that Santa’s team did not anticipate that this move may disadvantage some of Australia’s children and parents who struggle with reliable internet access in the bush,” Ms Simson said.
“We hope that this has not led to delay in deliveries from Santa – our source has assured us that everything is being done to process these orders on time.”
Interestingly it seems the North Pole is also not immune from the age of risk assessments and corporate internal policies. The leaked document contains a briefing from Santa’s Chief Risk Officer who, upon learning about the extent of mobile coverage in Australia, expressed safety concerns about the traditional rural Australia route.
“Extraction in the event of a breakdown would be challenging, putting global delivery at risk” the document reads.
However, in a nod to Santa’s commitment to Australia’s children the NFF understands Santa will persist with delivery as Rudolph’s nose is a sufficient safety beacon in the event of an emergency.
“This information is yet another reminder that Australian Farmers, despite participating a global marketplace, run the risk of being left behind.”
However, Ms Simson did point out the Government’s continued efforts to improve regional connectivity.
“The continued rollout of the National Broadband Network, the Mobile Blackspots program and the requirements of the Universal Service obligation mean that more farming families than ever before will be connected this Christmas.”
“I would like to wish everyone a safe and Merry Christmas and a productive 2017,” concluded Ms Simson.
The NFF is a member of the Regional Rural and Remote Communications Coalition – a group of like-minded organisations who have come together to end the data drought and champion better communications services for consumers and small businesses living in rural, remote or regional area

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